Let us take a step back before we get too far down this rabbit hole. This week we had Patrick, former minor league super fan, doing the drawing (a full 6 days late at that).
 |
| Not Seen: The devil he was taking directions from |
The result, the one I've been dreading.
 |
| It's actually written in blood |
"So that sounds like an enjoyable thing" you might be saying. Well, the dreaded aspect comes from the sheer pain of buying a last minute international ticket. Which will hurt this humble fellows recent plans to get out of debt.
Again I find myself at a cross roads, one I seem to visit at least once a quarter. Do I do the responsible thing and save money? Maybe making a plan for much later to achieve this goal? Or, do I once again set off on a foolhardy adventure spending more time flying than actually being on the ground?
There are some other factors at play here, I'm not at liberty to discuss, but lets put the Vegas odds at about 60/40 for responsibility.
For now.
Oh we were brought up on the Space-Race,
now they expect you to clean toilets.
When you have seen how big the world is how can you make do with this?
& if it all amounts to nothing - it doesn't matter, these are still our glory days.
Pulp - Glory Days
Friday Update
Never bet against stupid, when a Rosevear is in town.
The Trip
Jane Austin once said "It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a man in possession of vacation photos must be in want of an audience to annoy the shit out of" ... I'm paraphrasing.
Anyway, I'll try to keep this brief, as I know hearing about someone's trip is almost as painful as that unfortunate rash I had once.
I set out at the ass-crack of dawn as expected and arrived in Jamaica around 2 in the afternoon.
 |
| I'm so worldly |
After being offered my obligatory sack of ganja I took a "cab" ride to my resort.
The resort looked like a cruise ship exploded on a beach. Or, depending on your perspective, a cruise ship feels like a resort stacked on top of itself and set sail. But lets break it down piece by piece.
The Drinks
The most popular drink that I could gather was a pink slimy Bahama Mamma dispensed from a Slurpee machine.
 |
| Authentic! |
That and all the Red Stripe you can drink, at one bar dispensed from a re-purposed jug used for cleaning supplies I'm pretty sure.
The Food
Free and plentiful, you too can feel like a big important player as you are waited on extensively. It's mostly buffet style with various shacks along the beach offering burgers or ice cream. I'm proud to say I ate at least 5 grilled cheese sandwiches. All the other kids thought I was the coolest.
The Staff
Wonderful people, dealing with the duality of being both oppressed and supported by the tourism industry.
The Guests
As this whole endeavor was already pricey I chose the least expensive, place I could find, that also didn't sound like a place I might get kidnapped or arrested from. I ... uh .... have a history of getting into jams. So I chose, very poorly it seems, a place populated entirely by families, religious and tae kwon doe conventions, and at least 5 class trips.
"So, knickulous, whats wrong with that?" you might be asking yourself. Well, baby bird, let me just say that when you are at a place surrounded by families honeymooners and groups of 5 or more, you look very out of place as a single guy. I was half undercover cop, and half guy who got dumped before the honeymoon and the damned tickets were nonrefundable.
 |
| "She left me for the guy at the Taco Bell Drive Through" |
Well the view was admittedly spectacular. We'll score that one in Jamaica's corner
 |
| We'll count this as proof I was there |
And what did we learn?
I'm still not sure, I'm writing this from the Dallas Airport waiting for my final trip back, after 4 flights 2 trips through customs and 3 trips through security (don't ask) I'm exhausted and delirious. There was a point the previous night where I was watching a children's magic show, while listening to Norwegian teenagers speak in norwese (I know its wrong but I like it better) and I realized that life can get very strange if you let it.
I suppose that's the lesson to take from this. "Life can get really strange if you let it". Whether that is a challenge or a warning I'll leave as an exercise for the reader.
But Wait There's More
I know adventures like this can come off way more as a guy showing off how much debt he can rack up. And, I'm not going to dispute that. I am an American after all. Because I couldn't convince anyone to join me on this one, I will be donating the money saved by travelling solo to a charity for the Jamaican people. If anyone knows a good charity hit me up.
Until next time comrades.
No comments:
Post a Comment