Week 35: Pay for a Strangers Groceries

As weeks go this one would normally be called my golden week.  35 weeks into the year. 35 years into my life.   Also, theoretically, this week would now be old enough to run for president.

The drawing this week took place at an earlier time, and I was phone-less to capture it.  I'm sure you're all heartbroken.  But it was drawn by Caleb, Christopher Walken's understudy for the Prophesy movies, and marks the first of the charitable challenges to be drawn.

Seems easy enough.

Honestly though, how do you pay for someone's groceries?

Do you make a big show out of it like Oprah?  Making sure everyone is aware of how awesome and generous I am?  I am writing a blog post about it so there's not much room to throw stones there.  But, seriously Oprah, you suck.

Oversimplified advice on coffee cups is this centuries fortune cookie

Do I somehow do it on the sly?  Anonymously pay, but how can I have proof that it happened?  Can I just say I did it?  Lie to my half dozen readers?  How many questions marks can I put in a paragraph before it seems weird?  Why can't I ever spell weird right the first time?

Some of these questions and more may be answered this week.  So, uh, check back in or something.

The Plans

After some brain storming I think we are down to 4 plans.  Which I diagrammed out on the white board.

Option 1 - The Gift that Keeps on Giving

Yeah, for some reason Art School never called me back

 
This option, involves finding a mark, having someone distract them while I conveniently toss an envelope into their grocery cart.

What's in the envelope?  Well inside would be 2 gift cards, and a note that says you're groceries have been bought, please use the 2nd gift card to buy someone else's groceries.  After all, what is more fun than getting your groceries paid?  Returning the favor of course.

Pros:  I get to remain anonymous
Cons:  High chance of being one of those feel good stories on the news or that your grandma posts on Facebook

Option 2 - The Good Kind of Furry

Yeah even those "mail in your art test" schools

So option 2, is more fun.  While someone is being checked out, I walk up in a teddy bear suit or some kind of costume, confuse them, and casually pay for their groceries and walk away.  Giving them the best story to tell their friends for at least a couple weeks.

Pros: Get to add to the strangeness of the world
Cons:  Good chance this could backfire and I end up in jail


Option 3 - I Flipped it On Ya

I even got an "F" at canvas and cocktails

 Option 3, is a clever twist on the goal.  I don't buy the strangers groceries while they are there, but rather buy and drop the groceries off at their house.

Pros:  I get to control how much groceries I buy
Cons:  I'm pretty sure "don't take candy from strangers" also applies to "don't eat groceries dropped off on your doorstep"

Option 4 - Missionary

 

Maybe I'm just too intense for the art world

Option 4, the old stand-by, I could just walk up to someone and offer to pay for their groceries.

I guess I could wear a cape or something. 

Pros: Quick and Painless
Cons: Quick and Painless

The Big Day

After much hemming and hawing, whatever that means, I finally decided to combine the two best options.  That would be Options 1 and 2.  Sadly, teddy bear suits are hard to come by, but luckily the local thrift store had a very nice selection of potential costumes and costume accessories.

The plan was simple.  1.  Get the cards, place them 2 a piece into an envelope with instructions.  2.  Put on the costume.  3.  Try not to get arrested, and hand the envelopes out.  4.  Live out the rest of my days wondering. 

0.  Choose a location

I wanted to give the cards away at a place where hope doesn't exist.  Where the cruelty of life is shone on the cracked, hardened faces.  Where the spark of happiness has all but been extinguished.

As Iraq was too far away, I chose the next best thing.  Albertsons

1.  Get the cards:

Yes I know my writing resembles a 5th grader using their left hand.

 

The true hero of this story is the man who had to ring up all these cards

In typical half-assed fashion these notes were written on the trunk of my car

 Funny story.  While waiting for the gift cards to be activated, we actually had a chance to speak to the security officer.  I told him that I would be coming back in wearing a mask and to please not shoot me.  I don't think he believed me. 

Pictured:  The security guard hard at work not noticing the guy in a robber costume.

2.  Put on the costume

The visit to the thrift store added to the increasingly strange collection of stuff in my car.  So, I had a number of options to choose from for my costume:

Too Scary!

Too Renaissance fair-y

Too Mustache-y

Juust Right

Some day, I'm going to get pulled over and immediately become a suspect for any number of crimes.


3.  Give the cards away

She looked like it was either the beginning of, or the end of a very long day.

She actually took quite a bit of convincing

This cart was actually abandoned, it's owner chatting away on their phone.

Special thanks to Amy on this one for giving me encouragement, and risking humiliation with me.

And what did we learn?

It's fun to dress up, it's fun to give, and it's most fun of all to live knowing you'll never know how it all played out. 

Maybe they were deserving, maybe they weren't.  The sun shines on the worthy and and the unworthy alike.  And, thank god it does, or I'd be even more pale, and I'm practically see through as it is.

Here's hoping, this brightened their day.  Or, at the very least, gave them an interesting Facebook update.

Isn't that what we're all looking for anyway?