Ride Something Ridiculous for a Mile Re-visited

If I had my druthers, I'd be the host of my own science show.  I'd be called Ridiculous Knickulous, and I'd have all sorts of beakers and test tubes and shit.  Guys would want to be me, and women would think they can change me.

Irresistible

Sadly, I am a long ways off from achieving that kind of ridiculousness.  However, this weekend was a good start, as I finally tackled the long delayed goal of riding something ridiculous for a mile.  After sorting through millions of options, I decided anything I attempted should also be a challenge.   So I settled on the pogo stick.

The Pogo Stick

Hailing from a time where toys served a dual purpose of fun makers and bone breakers, the pogo is truly a magnificent thing.  A steel rod that you put next to your crotch and jump up and down on.  Just talking about it makes people smile.


The first problem with the challenge was a lack of a pogo stick, or two, because if your going to pogo you might as well race while doing it.  So, I stopped by Toys R Us and enjoyed the kind of customer service only a single guy without kids can get.

Turns out most pogos sold are for children (agism!).  The best I could find was a stick for 9 year olds with an upper weight limit of 160 lbs.  Since I only needed it for roughly 5000 hops I figured that would have to do so I scooped it up.

The Challenge
Freshly equipped with my new sticks I recruited Colorado's own ninja warrior Anthony and his wife Leah to come down to Wash park for a good ol' fashioned 1 mile pogo race.

A couple that hops together ... shops together?

"Race" may have been a generous term

No sport is complete without risk of testicular damage

You can't tell but I am 3 feet off the ground

The Result

Pain, so much pain.  Turns out pogo sticks made for 9 year old children are not ideal for adults.  Every jump resulted in a smack to the knee, and a scrape on the hand, and the aforementioned testiculars.

Also, trying to achieve any sort of consistent direction is near impossible.  We took less of a straight path and more of a backwards corkscrew.  The kind of path that little brat on family circus would take while also drunk and being chased by a bee.

The "race" turned into more of a quest for survival as we broke every rule listed on the pogo rule set:

1.  Do not compete
2.  Always wear pads
3.  Do not use in the rain
4.  Do not use in public places

But at just under 1 hour we hit the 1 mile mark, there was no winner, only blisters and bruises.

Blisters

Bruises

But we did make it, and now we wait for our official pogo-corp badge and leather jackets.  Then hello new found respect from strangers!

Also, if anyone is in the market for a slightly used warranty-voided pogo stick please inquire within.