Week 7: Chop Down a Tree

After a brief respite from the crazy looks like we are right back in the thick of it.

This weeks special guest is none other than famous latin singer Kacee:

 

Pictured here, respecting and fearing the hat

 And the result of course:

On the back it says "then apologize to environmentalists"

Lets see how this one plays out.

Sunday Update

I received a few leads on some trees available for cutting.  Many I was told are big enough that they can't be hugged.

The worst part is it didn't even call the next day

Here are the opportunities thus far:

• A large tree in Denver
• A large tree in Golden
• A large tree in Evergreen
• A suggestion to ask if I can cut down a beetle kill tree in the national forest (no reply from the forest service)
• A suggestion to ask if I can cut down a Christmas tree early (no reply as well)
• A couple reasonable sized trees in Denver, and Eastern Colorado

The methodologies

Of course I could use a chainsaw or a regular saw, but the wording of the challenge does say Chop.  Call me a romantic if you must but the thought of hacking away a tree with an axe is just damned appealing.  So an axe will be used.

I mean look how happy he is

The controversies

Environmentalist Concerns
Lets address a few of the controversies that have sprung up over this.  Concerned reader you will be happy to know I am not chopping down a live tree, only dead or dying trees.

The Amount of Effort
I have heard from many that this will take much longer than I expect for even a small tree.  I am skeptical, but I have received estimates from 20 minutes to 3 hours for a simple 12" diameter tree.  Feel free to place bets on this.

City Rules
I have been unable to track down what exactly the rules are for chopping down trees within the city.  Some say you are free to do as you please, others say you need a permit, or depending on the size need the city to do it for you.

The Plan of Action

The first tree has been located, with a 2nd and potentially 3d also available.  The tree is in beautiful ::cough:: Strasburg Colorado, and is a 25' tall dead Ash tree.

I am happy to say that the necessary tools have been procured and I am the proud owner of an $11 dollar axe.

Pro Tip:  If you ever want to ride the elevator in your apt complex alone bring an axe with you

To avoid the tree landing on something it shouldn't, like a house, or me, the tree will be secured with a rope pulling it in the desired direction of felling.  Then this Tuesday afternoon, in my best lumberjack apparel I will attack the mighty tree like a drunk Paul Newman attacking a parking meter.

Until then some, perhaps inappropriate inspiration

“Catch! calls the Once-ler.
He lets something fall.
It's a Truffula Seed.
It's the last one of all!
You're in charge of the last of the Truffula Seeds.
And Truffula Trees are what everyone needs.
Plant a new Truffula. Treat it with care.
Give it clean water. And feed it fresh air.
Grow a forest. Protect it from axes that hack.
Then the Lorax
and all of his friends
may come back.” 
― Dr. Seuss, The Lorax


And s

Success!

So Tuesday afternoon, I set off, dressed in what I thought was appropriate lumberjack attire.  Even going so far as to grow my best lumberjack beard on short notice.

Point of Interest:  The only thing that separates hipsters from lumberjacks is the axe

As you can see behind me is the tree.

I thought they should get to know each other before getting intimate

Yes, yes I know its not a very big tree.  But acheiving a goal on a technicality is still acheiving a goal.


Without delay I set about the task at hand, chopping away.  Despite being a small tree, it is still quite a bit of work.

Choppity choppity

 Finally after 30 or so minutes of fun and exciting chopping:

Probably should have said timber

And so ends week 7.  Lets give it a solid C.  Maybe later we'll find a bigger more satisfying tree:

In truth the forest hears each sound
Each blade of grass as it lies down
The world requires no audience
No witnesses
Bright Eyes - Everything Must Belong Somewhere

Week 6: Organize a Scavenger Hunt

For this weeks we have special guest Chandan.  You may remember him as the driver and videographer from week 2.  Sometimes you have to wear many hats.

He was deliberately trying to find the worst one

The result a strange one.  Sounds like something to do for a church outing.

Why not have a sack race too

I assure you though fair reader, this scavenger hunt will be much much more interesting than what you are picturing.

Okay, so this one may seem like a cop out, because it only says Organize.  Truth is this scavenger hunt will go on for a month so this weeks challenge is merely to get it set up.

Though the nature of blog reading doesn't really support it, this particular week will be continuously updated with the status as the actual scavenger hunt begins.

So lets jump into it

The RULES

1.  Every participant gets to choose 5 of the items on the scavenger hunt list.
2.  These items can be as simple as a dog, or as insane as "A mouse riding a cat that's riding a dog"

 

It's totally a thing

3.  Starting March 1st, all entries from all participants will be compiled into a master list.
4.  All participants will have 1 month in which to try to get their photo, or a token of their choosing in front of as many items as possible


The Prize

Because no one does anything for free or fun these days, the winner will get to choose from a variety of excellent prizes.


1.  $300 donated to a charity of their choice
2.  $300 donated to themselves
3.  $300 worth of one grocery item of their choosing
4.  A $300 dollar plane/train ticket to somewhere
5.  A $300 item from ebay selected at random
6.  A $300 bet and any winnings placed on blackjack, or roulette.
7.  The winner can forgo the monetary prizes and instead opt to inflict some personal humilation on me the proctor of this event.  They can choose some task or thing to do and within reason I will do it, up to and including tasteful nudity or a $300 tattoo that can be easily hidden.

Monday Update

Well the call was sent out on facebook:

The initial results:

Number of Participants:  9
Number of States Involved:  3


We can do better, we'll just need a bigger net.  Here is a chance for strangers to meet, motivation to get out and try something new, and most important of all an opportunity to embrace the absurdity of life.

Until then some inspiration:


What should young people do with their lives today? Many things, obviously. But the most daring thing is to create stable communities in which the terrible disease of loneliness can be cured.
Kurt Vonnegut


The absurd depends as much on man as on the world. For the moment, it is all that links them together.
Albert Camus 

So this week wrapped up successfully, though it may seem unsatisfactory.   The hunt has been organized, people  continue to trickle in and join the competition.

I will update this particular posts with the results of the hunt when it begins on March.

Updated Numbers 2/16

With 14 days to go until start date interest in the competition has improved we are now at:

Number of Participants:  20
Number of States Involved:  6

Final Results (4/8):

Well it was a wild ride with only a few dedicated players, but nonetheless the effort they put forth was very inspiring.  For your enjoyment, dear reader, below is the official selfie scaveganza list, and some stats.  And we can finally close the book on this one:

 The List

1

1. A church message board with clever wording,

2. street signs of famous namesakes,

3. high energy coffee brand names,

4.  single brown dress shoe (left shoe only),and a

5.  inappropriate child's toy.

2

1. Abandoned farm house

2. Grain elevator

3. Windmill

* nick

4. Dog playing Frisbee

5. Ballerina

3

1. A geocache

2. Someone dressed in a badass Steampunk outfit.

3. Yourself in Minecraft.

4. A man sitting on a chair in in the snow in shorts and a tee shirt wearing a top hat and holding a pipe.

5. more than 10 human skulls.

4

1. A Pirate Ship

2. A Pyramid

3. A Slot Machine

4. A Gondola

5. A Cowboy

5

1.  A Blunt

2.  A Potato

* Geneva

3.  A Nipple

4.  A Glow in the dark ball

5.  A picture of Dr. Girlfriend

6

1. Picture of yourself in a picture if yourself in a picture of yourself in a picture of yourself

2. A car on top of another car

3. You standing on the wing of an airplane, flying or not

4. Robot planting a tree

5. Superman dining with Batman

* Geneva

7

1.  a genuine airstream caravan

2.  Someone wearing steampunk attire

3.  Someone standing next to the heavenly toaster

4.  A pile of used car tires at least 7 feet tall

5.  Someone using a micro fiche machine

8

1. Holding a tampon by an ocean or large body of water

2. A view down an open elevator shaft

3. At a legislative or other government meeting

4. A Canadian License plate

5. Underwater

9

1. Doing a cartwheel on a bridge

2. Eating an insect

3. Petting a farm animal

4. A man kissing a live fish

5. A picture with a person who has a silent letter in their name( that is not Knick)

* Geneva

10

1. A person who is more than 7' tall

2. A person who is over 400 lbs

3. A person who is under 100 lbs

4. Mooning the full moon

5. Photobomb a pooping dog

11

1.  A Lifesize photo of master chief

2. A Memorial service for Road Kill

3.  Riding on a coin operated childrens ride

4 two people running on the same treadmill

5 a cop with a face tattoo

12

1.  A door with more than five locks on it

2.  A car with 2 or more flat tires

3.  A car with over 10 bumper stickers

* nick

4.  A pro Obama sticker on a truck

5. A pro Romney sticker on a prius

13

1.  Someone riding an elevator in their undecrwear

2.  Someone working out at the gym in business casual

* nick

3.  Someone in a wedding dress pumping gas

4.  A cat riding a dog

5.  Someone eating taco bell at next to Ronald McDonald statue

14

1. An anchor greater than 4 feet in length

2. A roadsign warning of a 20mph curve ahead and a burrito in your hand

3. Standing on top of a bus wearing a chicken hat

4. A picture of you encircled by 9 bicycles

5. Pez dispenser on the end of a pier looking out at the ocean

15

1. Two girls kissing

* 2 girls kissing

2. Two guys kissing

* Geneva

3. Someone kissing a statue

4. A inappropriate birthday cake

5. Someone in a sombrero on a trampoline

16

1. A red channel purse

2. A dog with no eyes

3. A dog in a cowboy hat

* Geneva

4. A framed dogs playing poker painting/sculpture

5. Someone in a zoot suit

17

1.  an outdoor thermometer sign reading over 80 degrees

2.  More than 7 cabs at a traffic light

3.  2 people on a tandem bike

4.  An old timey bike

5.  Someone riding a unicycle

18

1. Someone riding a mechanical bull

2. Someone in a kiss me I'm Irish shirt

3. A country line dance in progress

4. Fingernails over an inch long

5. A real life mullet

19

1. An adult sucking on a pacifier

* Geneva

2. Someone with more than five face piercings

3. Someone skateboarding in cowboy boots

4. A snowboarder dressed in all pink gear

5. More than five girls playing basketball

20

1.  A car older than 50 years

2. A pile of snow greater than 10 feet high

3. A car worth more than 200,000

4. A moose

5. A giraffe

21

1. Street art in progress. ie: catch someone spray painting graffiti, interpretive dance on a street corner, a bum with a guitar.

2. A funny OR painfully honest panhandler sign. ie: "not gonna lie, I need a beer."

3. An oxymoron.

4. A real life fairy tale or nursery rhyme.  ie: a girl in a red hoodie riding a bike

5. A friend/family member sleeping...but NOT in a bed. ie: uncle in an armchair, someone drooling in the passenger seat of your car.

22

1. Dog pissing on stop sign

2. Someone licking the window of Starbucks

3. Dual cassette player

4. A 1988 Z28

5. Train tracks

23.

1. A bald guy holding his toupee

2. A taxidermied animal

3. A burger with more than 3 patties

4. A scooter older than 1970

5. A guy with painted toe nails

24.

1. An adult in a bouncy castle

2. Someone in Drag

3. A guy with shaved armpits

4. A girl with hairy armpits

5. Someone with more than 2 different colors of hair

* Geneva

25.

1.  Someone on stilts

2.  Uncle Sam Poster

3.  Two people making out in a hot tub

4.  A Weed plant

5.  A speed limit sign not ending in 0 or 5

26.

1. A tan line

2. Someone with a mo hawk

3. Someone with guaged ears bigger than a quarter

* nick

4. A fast food receipt for over $50

5. Someone smoking more than 2 cigarettes at a time

27.

1. A raccoon

2. A guy reading 50 shades of grey

3. A girl fixing a car

4. Someone asleep with magic marker writing on them

5. A camel

The Stats:

Total Items Spotted: 123
Most popular items spotted: Windmill, Potato, 2 Guys Kissing

And of course the final standings:

First Place: 56
Second Place: 26
Third Place: 21

... There were some other places, but this is America, and we usually only count up to 3.

It is the magic number

Until next year then.