Week 38: Plan and Execute an Elaborate Prank

So the pool of volunteers to pull from the hat has dwindled greatly.  So, I think barring anyone who would like to volunteer from afar (we can work something out over a webcam I'm sure) I'll be skipping that step.  Which is a bonus, because it allows me to be lazy.

So let's see, what are we going to postpone this week?  It's the wide open field of possibilities of "Plan and Execute an Elaborate Prank"


I'll have to noodle around on this for a bit.

Week 37: Swim a Mile or More

Another week has come, and I find myself further behind.  On the upshot though I am getting this entry out a full day before next weeks drawing so good on me there.

Some other good news, I did the math, and if I were to quit and abandon the remaining resolutions I would officially have completed 65% of them.  That's a solid "D" folks.  "D" is for debonair.

Anyway, life has continued to insist upon itself, and slow me down.  This week though marks the first drawing at my new professional place of soul crushing.  It's always awkward to try and fit in amongst new co-workers, doubly so when you ask them to reach inside your hat.

Doing the reluctant honors this week was Tracie:

Ninja fast she was

The result of course:

I've got to stop believing in myself

Put that in your wagon and pull it.


Thursday Update

It's like the glory days I accomplished this weeks task only 1 day behind schedule.  The question was of course what by way of proof do I provide?  I don't have an underwater camera, and the pool at the gym tends to frown on taking pictures in the pool area.

So I found myself making yet another awkward request to have a buddy come take some pictures surreptitiously of me swimming.  It's like that one time at camp all over again.

Anyway, documentation is light on this one.  You'll just have to trust that I did it.  32 laps, if you count a lap as back and forth across the pool.

So many people use this pool it's like swimming in someones bath tub

Or 64 trips from one side to the other, which I prefer because it sounds more impressive.  I decided on the excellent time of 9:30, because "Night Swimming" is a song by REM, and because I thought the pool would for sure be empty.

I was wrong on the latter.  the whole 50 odd minutes it took to swim 32 laps the pool was constantly full of people.  Old men in speedos, young future olympians, very hairy men, I got to swim next to the best of them.

How was it?
It sucked, the first 10 laps were easy the second 10 were exhausting, and the final 12 were torture.  My feet and calves had a cramp-off content.

cramps

Towards the end I really took advantage of the backstrokoe

But I did finish.  In slightly less time than it takes a senior to check out at the grocery store.  Which is a win I guess. 

Swimmers eat doughnuts right?

Thanks for listening.

Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I'm swimming, sometimes I'm not sure which one it is.
-Demetri Martin

Week 36: Make a Calvin and Hobbes Style Snowman Scene

As usual I am terribly behind schedule.  But you know who was on schedule?  Mussolini.  Which path is better in life?  Fascist dictator who kept the trains running on time.  Or his laid back brother, Herbert-olini?  I think if we're all honest with ourselves we all know who we would choose.

What I'm getting at here is this post for week 36 is already past due.  It was drawn a full week ago.  Let's take a trip in the way way back machine none the less.

It was a special drawing, my last day working at Pearson, after being forced out for numerous HR violations involving food.  Doing the honors was Craig, Jimmy Stewart voice over artist extraordinaire.

Seen here flagrantly ignoring the rules and looking while drawing

The result, is one that some will immediately know, and others will need explained to them.


To wit: in the popular newspaper Comic strip Calvin and Hobbes, a recurring joke was Calvin's macabre snowman sculptures and scenes.  See below.

You get the idea

The goal then is to re-create or create my own version of such a scene.  It will be glorious if not for one problem.

There is no fucking snow!!!

This is the one and only point in my entire existence on this planet where I've wished there was snow.  So, now I need to consider my options to achieve this.

1.  Wait
I can let it languish on the postponed pile with the other Susan Lucci of the challenge world "punch someone and get punched by someone", and wait until there is snow

2.  Find Snow
It's a big planet, there's got to be snow somewhere, there is probably even snow on top of some of these mountains I see every day.  Find the snow, make the snowmen.

3.  Fake Snow
The final option is to somehow fake the scene, I can make it miniature and make my own snow, I can try to find snowman suits or snow like material, the options are limitless.  Actually, probably just those 2 options, so the options are limitless up to 2.

I want to do this one right so it may take a while.

Week 35: Pay for a Strangers Groceries

As weeks go this one would normally be called my golden week.  35 weeks into the year. 35 years into my life.   Also, theoretically, this week would now be old enough to run for president.

The drawing this week took place at an earlier time, and I was phone-less to capture it.  I'm sure you're all heartbroken.  But it was drawn by Caleb, Christopher Walken's understudy for the Prophesy movies, and marks the first of the charitable challenges to be drawn.

Seems easy enough.

Honestly though, how do you pay for someone's groceries?

Do you make a big show out of it like Oprah?  Making sure everyone is aware of how awesome and generous I am?  I am writing a blog post about it so there's not much room to throw stones there.  But, seriously Oprah, you suck.

Oversimplified advice on coffee cups is this centuries fortune cookie

Do I somehow do it on the sly?  Anonymously pay, but how can I have proof that it happened?  Can I just say I did it?  Lie to my half dozen readers?  How many questions marks can I put in a paragraph before it seems weird?  Why can't I ever spell weird right the first time?

Some of these questions and more may be answered this week.  So, uh, check back in or something.

The Plans

After some brain storming I think we are down to 4 plans.  Which I diagrammed out on the white board.

Option 1 - The Gift that Keeps on Giving

Yeah, for some reason Art School never called me back

 
This option, involves finding a mark, having someone distract them while I conveniently toss an envelope into their grocery cart.

What's in the envelope?  Well inside would be 2 gift cards, and a note that says you're groceries have been bought, please use the 2nd gift card to buy someone else's groceries.  After all, what is more fun than getting your groceries paid?  Returning the favor of course.

Pros:  I get to remain anonymous
Cons:  High chance of being one of those feel good stories on the news or that your grandma posts on Facebook

Option 2 - The Good Kind of Furry

Yeah even those "mail in your art test" schools

So option 2, is more fun.  While someone is being checked out, I walk up in a teddy bear suit or some kind of costume, confuse them, and casually pay for their groceries and walk away.  Giving them the best story to tell their friends for at least a couple weeks.

Pros: Get to add to the strangeness of the world
Cons:  Good chance this could backfire and I end up in jail


Option 3 - I Flipped it On Ya

I even got an "F" at canvas and cocktails

 Option 3, is a clever twist on the goal.  I don't buy the strangers groceries while they are there, but rather buy and drop the groceries off at their house.

Pros:  I get to control how much groceries I buy
Cons:  I'm pretty sure "don't take candy from strangers" also applies to "don't eat groceries dropped off on your doorstep"

Option 4 - Missionary

 

Maybe I'm just too intense for the art world

Option 4, the old stand-by, I could just walk up to someone and offer to pay for their groceries.

I guess I could wear a cape or something. 

Pros: Quick and Painless
Cons: Quick and Painless

The Big Day

After much hemming and hawing, whatever that means, I finally decided to combine the two best options.  That would be Options 1 and 2.  Sadly, teddy bear suits are hard to come by, but luckily the local thrift store had a very nice selection of potential costumes and costume accessories.

The plan was simple.  1.  Get the cards, place them 2 a piece into an envelope with instructions.  2.  Put on the costume.  3.  Try not to get arrested, and hand the envelopes out.  4.  Live out the rest of my days wondering. 

0.  Choose a location

I wanted to give the cards away at a place where hope doesn't exist.  Where the cruelty of life is shone on the cracked, hardened faces.  Where the spark of happiness has all but been extinguished.

As Iraq was too far away, I chose the next best thing.  Albertsons

1.  Get the cards:

Yes I know my writing resembles a 5th grader using their left hand.

 

The true hero of this story is the man who had to ring up all these cards

In typical half-assed fashion these notes were written on the trunk of my car

 Funny story.  While waiting for the gift cards to be activated, we actually had a chance to speak to the security officer.  I told him that I would be coming back in wearing a mask and to please not shoot me.  I don't think he believed me. 

Pictured:  The security guard hard at work not noticing the guy in a robber costume.

2.  Put on the costume

The visit to the thrift store added to the increasingly strange collection of stuff in my car.  So, I had a number of options to choose from for my costume:

Too Scary!

Too Renaissance fair-y

Too Mustache-y

Juust Right

Some day, I'm going to get pulled over and immediately become a suspect for any number of crimes.


3.  Give the cards away

She looked like it was either the beginning of, or the end of a very long day.

She actually took quite a bit of convincing

This cart was actually abandoned, it's owner chatting away on their phone.

Special thanks to Amy on this one for giving me encouragement, and risking humiliation with me.

And what did we learn?

It's fun to dress up, it's fun to give, and it's most fun of all to live knowing you'll never know how it all played out. 

Maybe they were deserving, maybe they weren't.  The sun shines on the worthy and and the unworthy alike.  And, thank god it does, or I'd be even more pale, and I'm practically see through as it is.

Here's hoping, this brightened their day.  Or, at the very least, gave them an interesting Facebook update.

Isn't that what we're all looking for anyway?