Week 13: Learn to Drive a Manual Transmission & Memorize and Recite "The Raven"

So here we are at lucky week 13, having successfully knocked out 2 last week, we have 2 more this week, the ol' manual transmission, and a return to form, with the delightful "memorize and recite the raven".

Which was drawn today but newcomer to the drawing scene, Mr. Ravi.

He actually just wanted to buy the hat

The result, as mentioned in the title, and at the top of this page of course:

So this one probably is a little strange, but for some back story, I have wanted to memorize this poem for a very long time, and the recital part should be interesting, with some help and some friends this could make for a memorable evening crashing an open mike night.

Anyway more to follow, watch this space, drink ovaltine etc ...

Learn to Drive a Manual Transmission

Seriously screw manual transmissions.

Lesson 1 

Like a wayward teenager, I set off in a parking lot with a kind friend who donated their car and clutch for me to break, wherein I proceeded to jerk and crawl through the parking lot, like an epileptic 5 legged spider.

Unfortunately, or rather fortunately, no video or photographic evidence of this event took place.  Though a lovely lady waiting for the bus was there to laugh at my misfortune, so at least someone had a good day.

What I've learned so far:

• I am not good working two legs independently
• Clutch pedals are heavy.

And some inspiration:

Richard: Is it an automatic or a manual?
Jeremy: It's witchcraft! That's what it is.
-Top Gear


Memorize and Recite "The Raven"

The Why

I've pondered a good 5 minutes how to answer the inevitable question for this challenge.  "Why?"  Followed most certainly by "Why the Raven?".  

So to put these questions to rest here are 3 reasons.

• Public speaking is a pretty big fear, doubly so when you are doing something ridiculous

It still works you just have to project more

• The Raven kick's ass as a poem, even the Simpsons agree, and they never spoof anything that's not great.

They may have taken some artistic liberties

• Uh, I already have part of it memorized, and I'm pretty lazy.

 The What

So what exactly is the raven about, a dude in need of a 24 hour pest control service obviously, but maybe there's more.  Maybe it's about mortality and regret, and my personal favorite hopelessness.

I'm sure if you look you can find a detailed analysis of the meaning, and its not exactly subtle with its symbolism, but I'll leave it to you, dear reader, to come up with your own conclusions.

The Raven
The Raven 

The How

Finally how will this happen?  I know of an open mic night at a bar in the city.  Its usually filled with aspiring singer songwriters hoping to attract women with their oh so sensitive lyrics, and the occasional terrible stand up comic.  So what better place to start.

Now, I could just go up there and mumble my way through it, awash in flop sweat, or I could double down on the stupidity and recruit another party to play the part of the raven.

Of course I will choose the latter.  Not much longer now.

And we did it, on Wednesday, after 4 hours of very painful open mic watching it was finally my turn:

The person to my right is the Raven, sitting lonely

Nerve wracking and terrible, but I survived, with only one 40 second gap where my mind went completely blank.

Pictured:  Panic

Special thanks on this one to everyone who held me to this insane proposition, those who showed up to see the train wreck, and all the poor open mic participants who I think were quite befuddled at the whole experience.

I do have a video, but this site does not seem to like it, so its available on demand if anyone would like to see it, though I don't know why anyone would.  Just let me know.

Week 12: Blow Something Up, Cook My Own Meals For a Week, Learn to Drive a Manual Transmission

Well, its been a couple weeks of radio silence, and I'm afraid your dear narrator has gotten quite behind.  Starting with the lack of being able to blow something up.  Turns out legally blowing stuff up is not really a thing.

But I persevere,   anyway lets look at the timeline shall we, and see just what kind of whole I've dug.

• March 5 - Blow something up is drawn
• March 12 - The first failure of the year, due to weather and other factors blow something up is missed
• March 12 - Cook My Own Meals for a Week is Drawn

It's blurry because its so boring even the camera fell asleep

• Life conspired to get in the way with its obnoxious "obligations" and both Cook my Own meals and Blow something up get postponed again
• March 19 - Back on track at last, the first day of home meal cooking begins.
• March 20 -Learn to Drive a Manual Transmission is Drawn.

At this rate, get a diploma in hotel administration can't be far behind

There you have it folks, like Tom Cruise before me, I suffered a crisis of confidence, but am now ready to get back on track, by trying a unprecedented 3 challenges in one week.

Could be worse I guess

So this is going to be a pretty schizophrenic post as I sort through all the madness. Lets break it up into sections at least

BLOW SOMETHING UP

Yes dear reader, I have not given up, though there have been many delays with weather, and legal issues, and more than a little bit of scaredy-catedness (it's totally a word) on my part.

The plan remains to blow up a pinata, through a means I will not specify here lest I forever lose my chance at top secret security clearance.  With a little bit of luck and cooperation, from March (or Smarch as it should be called) we will knock this one out finally.

We did it folks, after 3 miss fires and much hand wringing something was blown up.  I am trying to figure out how to get the stupid video on here, once I do I will post it for proof.


Okay so here we have the moment just before ignition:

That minion chose a poor place to sleep one off

May be hard to see but that big white blob is actually your run of the mill water bottle, the kind you get as a "courtesy" at car dealerships.  It is quite inflated.  Lets just say mysteriously ...

And then:

Spontaneous bottle combustion is totally a thing

 Kaboom.

Well that's not really accurate, more of a kapow.  Yes yes I know that this is not very impressive and the pinata is still intact.  But it satisfies the goal, and hopefully we will get to revisit it another time.

COOK MY OWN MEALS FOR A WEEK

Day 1:  Ah cooking, friend of the mature adult, enemy of me.   We started day 1 with a fantastic breakfast of fried egg, lunch of peanut butter I bought from the grocery store next to work  and Croissants I also bought at work, and a dinner of banana and pasta.

I'm sure you may be saying to yourself "I don't think peanut butter and Croissants counts as cooking"  well I say to you, my skeptical friend, that what is cooking more than combining two ingredients?

Day 2:  Feeling better about my task at hand I had a wonderful breakfast of egg, now with bacon, and lunch of car warmed pasta, and some more peanut butter croissants (it wasn't very good), and some pasta for desert

So why not just put peanut butter on everything and call it cooking?  Or mix two taco bell ingredients and claim to cook?  You ask?   Well I say to you imaginary stranger, quit being a pedantic jerk.

Oh and how does this not look appealing?

Day 3:  Day 3 consisted of a breakfast of nothing, combined with a lunch of nothing, but a fantastic fully cooked meal of chicken, potatoes and asparagus is on tap for tonight, a bold adventure awaits.

Not pictured, the chicken because I ate it

Day 4:  Day 4 yielded this masterpiece.

That is a hot dog bun, with bacon, jalapenos, and easy cheese.  Watch for it at your local state fair as it will be sweeping the nation.

It's a whole wheat bun for you health nuts

Day 5:   Day 5, had some home cooked pork chops and salad, nothing too spectacular.

I think I earn an honorary instagram account after 5 food pictures

Day 6:  Was some delicious homemade pasta, and baked broccoli, I do not have a picture because its a little known fact that broccoli, actually damages everything near it, including cameras and intestines, but I digest.

Day 7:  Finally Day 7 arrives, with another breakfast of bacon, and a lunch of peanut butter croissants I capped it off with a steak cooked on a frying pan with olive oil, and learned a valuable lesson not to cook a steak on a pan in olive oil while in your underpants.

Ouch.

LEARN TO DRIVE A MANUAL TRANSMISSION

Finally we come to this weeks challenge, the 2nd of the actually improve my life challenges.  Quite boring I'm sure, I will see how many people are willing to let me blow up their transmission in my effort to learn.  Many laughs and embarrassment will be had I'm sure.


POSTPONED :(

Week 10: Blow Something Up

Well here we are week 10, double digits what a ride so far.  After an exciting meal of anything but Sushi it was time for the drawing.  This week the drawer is famous Indian rapper Aniket aka ... AK

This hat has had more hands in it than Paris Hilton.  Zing!

The result, funny enough is one that Mr. Aniket himself suggested.  Is foul play afoot?

Blow something up.  It's time to walk the fine line between mischief and terrorism.  Also, I'm sure this will land me on some sort of list somewhere.  So a big hello to the CIA agent reading this.

So after much collaboration a very detailed plan has been hatched:

It's like Cinco De Mayo and the 4th of July had a baby

That's right the goal will be to fill a pinata with candy and cause some sort of explosion after which much merriment will be had.

Every act of creation is first an act of destruction.
Pablo Picasso

So, turns out the government frowns heavily on making things go boom.  As a result, we're going to have to be very vague for this one.